How to go out on a Date in Queens
It’s a surreal feeling when I think about the fact that I took the
bull by the horns and made a show, and now here I am 2 days before opening
thinking, “Wow, I did all this??… I ROCK!”
Well hey, who knows how it will actually turn out, but the fact that I had an idea to direct a show, put that idea into action and followed through, now that is an achievement I am very proud of. Yes, I’m patting myself on the back… pat pat… what the heck, if I don’t have the confidence to love myself, then the rest of the world certainly won’t.
So yes.. Kudos to ME for rockin’ it out.
How it all started: My good friend, Karen, and I wanted to put on a play and cast ourselves in it. We needed a director though. That’s when it hit me – ‘why don’t I direct! It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, so why not just go for it!’ So I picked a one-act play that I’ve liked for a while now, and since I know the writer, Richard Vetere, I figured it’d be the perfect idea. And it was. The cast of characters was easy to fill since most of my friends are pretty right for the roles.
I think this directing gig turned out to be a gift from God. A sign if you will, because not only was it easy for me to find the perfect play and a great cast, but the theatre, the rehearsal space, and the lighting designer just kind of fell into my lap! Everything just fell into place as if I was supposed to be doing this. My friend Courtney hooked me up with the house manager of the Players Theatre, Billy, who in turn handed me a rehearsal studio and the Loft Theatre, and my friend Elissa introduced me to her friend Jana who happens to be a lighting designer.. Oh! And… my friend Jessica, who’s a wardrobe consultant for Jazz at Lincoln Center, is costuming the show for me.
When things like this happen, when things just fall out of the sky like this, I take it as an affirmation from destiny, directing me down a path worth following.
I’m not saying that I should be a director for the rest of my life because of this one gig, but it’s definitely something that I enjoy doing and it has taught me a lot about who I am as an actor and as a person. It has been a great eye opener. I have now seen the craft of acting from the other side of the table and have finally found validation within myself that not only am I a damn good actor who deserves to be working, but I now officially know what my job is as an actor and what is expected of me. I finally have the confidence to go after acting with the knowledge that I am a catch; I am someone worth hiring.
Personally, directing has taught me how to be more assertive. Placing myself in the “leader” role is new to me. I have always seen myself as a follower (not that that’s bad). Example, if we’re all walking in a group, down a sidewalk, you’ll find me in the back, usually by myself. I don’t know how that ends up happening, because usually I am aware of the situation so I put myself at the front, but 10 times outta 10, within seconds, somehow I’m in the back. (Am I just a slow walker?) I’m not complaining about that, but I’d be lying if I said I’m completely comfortable back there. Anyway, I guess I got tired of being in the ‘back of the line’, so I put myself ‘in the front’, and it turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done for myself.
I have to say, it took some time getting used to being director. I found it so overwhelming that I actually became nauseous. It was the first rehearsal, we just finished our table read, and everyone was silent, looking at me like “Ok, now what”. It took me a second to realize that I was the Director who needed to know what to do next! I was totally caught off guard! It’s not like I wasn’t prepared for the rehearsal, I just froze up for a second and wanted to vomit from the pressure of realizing that I’m the boss. Then I made a joke, they all laughed, and then we proceeded with the rehearsal. When I got home that night, I hit the hay so fast, as if I had spent the entire day taking an aptitude test.
We’ve been rehearsing for 3 weeks now and I have become much more comfortable. The surprising part of directing is how exhausting it is. I come home every night like I’ve been run over by a Mack Truck. But I’ve talked with other directors and they all assure me that my exhaustion is common.
I’ve hit some snags along the way that have made me want to just lie down and give up on the entire project. (Oh geeze, I’m so dramatic!) I had a bitch of a time casting some of the roles because people were being very flakey, I almost lost access to the theatre, some rehearsals were cancelled, our technical rehearsal was set back by 2 days because we had troubles with the light board, our one main prop that we absolutely need for the show (a table) disappeared..
I wanted to just LIE DOWN AND DIE in our last rehearsal when I realized our table had vanished. It’s bizarre how the human body reacts to stress. I literally lost all of my energy and my eyes started to burn, like I hadn’t slept in days. I just stood there, zoned out and hoped that once I click out of my vertical coma, the table would magically appear. And you know what? It did! Someone found a replacement. Ah, note for the future: when faced with a major problem, just go into a self induced catatonic state, and everything will be fine. This is what worries me about being a director. You really have to be a trooper in every situation, and I don’t know if I have it in me to be resilient like that. When I feel defeated, I kind of just give up. My bad. Gotta put that one on my personal “fix it” list.
But I do have to give myself some credit, because I, in fact, didn’t give up. I mean, before I started this project, I was about to give up on acting all together, totally lost in my own misery; but I decided to push through my weakness, make myself into a director and put together a show.. And I did it! So I must not be that much of a wuss.
Anyway, directing is fun. As a director, I’ve learned to see the show as a whole story. I see each character and each scene and how it all fits together, and how the story needs to be told. As an actor, I always saw the show from my character’s point of view. But now, I can look outside of my character’s own little world, and see how she fits into the whole thing and what her part is in telling the story. Basically, I’ve learned to think outside of the box, how to make more intelligent choices, and how to fully understand a script and the author’s intention.
From here on out, regardless of what project I do next as an actor or as a director, I have new shiny tools to work with. I have better smarts, deeper appreciation and respect for the art form, and most of all I have more confidence in myself. And that was my main objective in directing this project: To force myself into a role where I absolutely HAD to have more leadership and self-belief, so I could uncover the confident woman that was lying dormant in my soul.
Sometimes you gotta take a leap in order to realize that you can fly.
Elissa Goldstein and Lighting Designer Jana Mattioli
Dave MacNiven and John Porto
Courtney Wagner and Emily Mitchell
Well hey, who knows how it will actually turn out, but the fact that I had an idea to direct a show, put that idea into action and followed through, now that is an achievement I am very proud of. Yes, I’m patting myself on the back… pat pat… what the heck, if I don’t have the confidence to love myself, then the rest of the world certainly won’t.
So yes.. Kudos to ME for rockin’ it out.
How it all started: My good friend, Karen, and I wanted to put on a play and cast ourselves in it. We needed a director though. That’s when it hit me – ‘why don’t I direct! It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, so why not just go for it!’ So I picked a one-act play that I’ve liked for a while now, and since I know the writer, Richard Vetere, I figured it’d be the perfect idea. And it was. The cast of characters was easy to fill since most of my friends are pretty right for the roles.
I think this directing gig turned out to be a gift from God. A sign if you will, because not only was it easy for me to find the perfect play and a great cast, but the theatre, the rehearsal space, and the lighting designer just kind of fell into my lap! Everything just fell into place as if I was supposed to be doing this. My friend Courtney hooked me up with the house manager of the Players Theatre, Billy, who in turn handed me a rehearsal studio and the Loft Theatre, and my friend Elissa introduced me to her friend Jana who happens to be a lighting designer.. Oh! And… my friend Jessica, who’s a wardrobe consultant for Jazz at Lincoln Center, is costuming the show for me.
When things like this happen, when things just fall out of the sky like this, I take it as an affirmation from destiny, directing me down a path worth following.
I’m not saying that I should be a director for the rest of my life because of this one gig, but it’s definitely something that I enjoy doing and it has taught me a lot about who I am as an actor and as a person. It has been a great eye opener. I have now seen the craft of acting from the other side of the table and have finally found validation within myself that not only am I a damn good actor who deserves to be working, but I now officially know what my job is as an actor and what is expected of me. I finally have the confidence to go after acting with the knowledge that I am a catch; I am someone worth hiring.
Personally, directing has taught me how to be more assertive. Placing myself in the “leader” role is new to me. I have always seen myself as a follower (not that that’s bad). Example, if we’re all walking in a group, down a sidewalk, you’ll find me in the back, usually by myself. I don’t know how that ends up happening, because usually I am aware of the situation so I put myself at the front, but 10 times outta 10, within seconds, somehow I’m in the back. (Am I just a slow walker?) I’m not complaining about that, but I’d be lying if I said I’m completely comfortable back there. Anyway, I guess I got tired of being in the ‘back of the line’, so I put myself ‘in the front’, and it turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done for myself.
I have to say, it took some time getting used to being director. I found it so overwhelming that I actually became nauseous. It was the first rehearsal, we just finished our table read, and everyone was silent, looking at me like “Ok, now what”. It took me a second to realize that I was the Director who needed to know what to do next! I was totally caught off guard! It’s not like I wasn’t prepared for the rehearsal, I just froze up for a second and wanted to vomit from the pressure of realizing that I’m the boss. Then I made a joke, they all laughed, and then we proceeded with the rehearsal. When I got home that night, I hit the hay so fast, as if I had spent the entire day taking an aptitude test.
We’ve been rehearsing for 3 weeks now and I have become much more comfortable. The surprising part of directing is how exhausting it is. I come home every night like I’ve been run over by a Mack Truck. But I’ve talked with other directors and they all assure me that my exhaustion is common.
I’ve hit some snags along the way that have made me want to just lie down and give up on the entire project. (Oh geeze, I’m so dramatic!) I had a bitch of a time casting some of the roles because people were being very flakey, I almost lost access to the theatre, some rehearsals were cancelled, our technical rehearsal was set back by 2 days because we had troubles with the light board, our one main prop that we absolutely need for the show (a table) disappeared..
I wanted to just LIE DOWN AND DIE in our last rehearsal when I realized our table had vanished. It’s bizarre how the human body reacts to stress. I literally lost all of my energy and my eyes started to burn, like I hadn’t slept in days. I just stood there, zoned out and hoped that once I click out of my vertical coma, the table would magically appear. And you know what? It did! Someone found a replacement. Ah, note for the future: when faced with a major problem, just go into a self induced catatonic state, and everything will be fine. This is what worries me about being a director. You really have to be a trooper in every situation, and I don’t know if I have it in me to be resilient like that. When I feel defeated, I kind of just give up. My bad. Gotta put that one on my personal “fix it” list.
But I do have to give myself some credit, because I, in fact, didn’t give up. I mean, before I started this project, I was about to give up on acting all together, totally lost in my own misery; but I decided to push through my weakness, make myself into a director and put together a show.. And I did it! So I must not be that much of a wuss.
Anyway, directing is fun. As a director, I’ve learned to see the show as a whole story. I see each character and each scene and how it all fits together, and how the story needs to be told. As an actor, I always saw the show from my character’s point of view. But now, I can look outside of my character’s own little world, and see how she fits into the whole thing and what her part is in telling the story. Basically, I’ve learned to think outside of the box, how to make more intelligent choices, and how to fully understand a script and the author’s intention.
From here on out, regardless of what project I do next as an actor or as a director, I have new shiny tools to work with. I have better smarts, deeper appreciation and respect for the art form, and most of all I have more confidence in myself. And that was my main objective in directing this project: To force myself into a role where I absolutely HAD to have more leadership and self-belief, so I could uncover the confident woman that was lying dormant in my soul.
Sometimes you gotta take a leap in order to realize that you can fly.
Elissa Goldstein and Lighting Designer Jana Mattioli
Dave MacNiven and John Porto
Courtney Wagner and Emily Mitchell